Pools of red on the white tablecloth, seeming to move as the candles flickered.
No, I told myself as I picked up my glass of red wine. There's no blood here. Everything's fine, just fine. I sipped, enjoying the warmth making its way down my throat. I had never liked wine but I found that, now, the taste was growing on me.
"You'd better be careful with that," Jared's voice in my head warned me.
I smiled. I'm alright, I thought. I'm fine.
I set down my empty glass and looked down at my hands, noticing my callused and scarred skin, out of place among the fine silver and crystal on the King's table. There were still black rims around my nails, even though I had scrubbed until my hands were almost bleeding.
It's alright, I told myself. You've just been living on the road for too long.
In the distance I could hear a man laughing, a rich and fruity laugh coming from the company seated at the main table. The King. He's alive, I reminded myself. He's sitting there, sharing some joke with his cronies, enjoying the meal and the companionship. I hadn't hurt him. Whatever it was that had happened in the darkness in the throne room, it hadn't been real.
I unclenched my hands. There's no blood, I reminded myself. Your fingers didn't dig into his skin, burrowing, tearing… I shuddered.
Does it matter, a little voice asked at the back of my head. You've killed so many people, why worry about one more?
"Don't," Jared told me. "Breathe. Focus."
Breathe. Focus. I almost laughed out loud. None of that seemed to make any sense anymore.
"Can I take that away, sir?" A boy's voice.
I looked up. There was a plate in front of me, with what looked like some small pieces of pastry. I hadn't even noticed it being placed in front of me.
I turned to face the boy. He was about twelve, wearing blue livery, and carrying a pile of plates.
"Yes, please," I said. "I'm sorry, I'm sure it was delicious. I'm just not that hungry right now."
"That's quite alright, sir," he said, removing my plate and moving on down the table.
I leaned back, beginning to register the smells, the colours, the sound of voices and the music played by a group of musicians on a pedestal in the middle of the room.
"So, you can talk," a female voice said in my ear.
I turned to her and she smiled at me, raising her glass and looking me in the eyes.
"Please, pardon my rudeness," I said. Pay her a compliment, I urged myself, something about mere mortals being unaware of the Goddess of Beauty walking among them, anything - but the words wouldn't come. I felt myself blushing, hoping she wouldn't notice my embarrassment.
"Careful, now," Jared's voice in my head warned me.
I looked up. Jared was sitting across the table, a still-full glass of wine in his hand, quietly talking to the elderly man sitting next to him. Neither of them appeared to pay me any attention.
"Why? What's the matter?"
There was no reply.
I looked to my left, and found the young woman studying me. Her skin was white, her hair was dark, and I suddenly realised how much she reminded me of Rhiana. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm not very good company right now." I looked away, realising I hadn't thought of my wife in several days. That's healthy, I told myself. It's a sign I'm moving on. "You remind me of my wife." The words came out loud and clear, though I never intended to say them out loud.
She laughed. "Very subtle," she said.
I felt my cheeks redden. "That's not what I meant."
"I know."
On this page Transitional HTML 4.01 and CSS 1 are used. If you're seeing this text you either have CSS switched off in your browser, or you're using a browser that can't handle CSS. If you're using an older browser version, you might want to consider upgrading.